"Have you ever ridden a Unicorn, I have, it was scary they run really fast" is all this crazy lady keeps on saying, over, and over again, like a god damn broken record. She makes these outbursts every minute or so like clockwork. This bitch is the reason why people hate to catch the bus. People hate to be face to face with the harsh realities of life. She smells like a mix between shit, piss, cheap wine, and even cheaper cigarettes. Her stinch is bearable only because someone has sprayed that victoria secrets stuff, which i love by the way, and opened all the windows. She smells like a person who is dead, but doesnt know it yet. Fuck i hate catching the bus. She keeps on looking over at me calling me Mr. Fancy Pants in her most sarcastic tone. I try to ignore her and smile at the people on the bus with me, and point to her and make the universal sign for crazy. She sees me do this and she blows her top. She erupts from her seat yelling " fuck you Mr. Fancy Fucking Pants, fuck you". She is coming towards me now, slowly but surely, yelling that the whole time. I notice she has only one shoe on, and her exposed foot looks like something out of a Vietnam torture camp. I gag and stand up hoping someone will stop her from coming towards me, but no one does would you? Shes yelling still when I notice that she only has half a tooth in her mouth, i shit you not. Her pants are wet in the front from either piss, or drool from her constant psycho babbling, or maybe its both. Fuck who cares. I continue to back up, but iam losing ground. She yells " wait till i get my hands on you Mr. Fancy Pants" and is coming at me like a zombie out of a goerge Romero movie. I lose it and say " bitch if you dont set the fuck down and leave me alone" shaking my fist at her menacingly. This group of high school kids burst into laughter next to her. Shes starts to yell at the kids and i pull the cord for the bus to stop. The bus stops and as iam exiting, no where near my real stop by the way, I stop and turn to the old lady who has caused me so much distress and yell " STOP FUCKING WITH PEOPLE YOU CRAZY BITCH". As i take my next step something goes wrong and i miss the first step and fall out of the bus. I hear a uproar of laughter from everyone on the bus as the doors close and the bus pulls away. I stand up and examine the damage while i choke on the buses toxic exhaust. I promise myself right then to never go to a job interview again on the bus, fuck that noise. I hate the fucking bus.
